Wow. I feel like I only post once every other month. No, wait, that’s exactly how it is. It’s for the best, though. Otherwise there would be dozens more entries over trivial feelings and the nothings that occur in my life. Besides, anything worth mentioning can be said in 140 characters or less (that’s what Twitter is for). Or a single paragraph (that’s what tumblr is for). Of course, when I do have intentions to post here it always ends up typed, unfinished and finally deleted. From the database and my mind. Hohoho, “my mind.” On to the trivial stuff. I finished my first semester of college recently. The verdict: not bad, but I suspect it will get more difficult. Academically, I’m doing a few things wrong. But I’ve been getting better lately. I just feel really discouraged. There are many leading tones sounding off in my head, begging to be followed on, answered by silence. What can I do to better myself? Ha, ha, I started writing this entry on December 4, and so many things I had said are no longer applicable. A testament to my inability to finish thoughts. Sentences, er, concep — Great winter break so far! I’ve been able to visit with Jessie and Linnea a couple times, the Asians (a collective term for any one of them – I won’t be arsed to list them off because it’s all the same, really. Okay, kidding, but they know who they are) and brother is coming home tonight to visit for the weekend. Not too excited about Christmas Eve or whatever – for us it’s just about food. At least right now, since I’m not hungry, I don’t care or want to think a whole lot about food. I’ll probably care tomorrow when I wake up. Eh, I’m in a rush to finish this just so I can say I posted. I’m not in an especially good mood right now. Volatile emotions and whatnot. You know. Being a girl. I could cry right now. Ugh, I’m about ready to wax poetic about the uncertainty of the future and happiness and misery. Seriously, terrible angsty one-liners are running through my head (what the fuck kind of line is “running through my head”? what bullshittery) BAHHHHHHHH. No, it’s okay. I love life. And all that rot. I had a very unsettling dream the other night.
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I posted to nicolysis.net
Let’s Try Something New or: Here We Go Again
http://www.nicolysis.net/2009/12/lets-try-something-new-or-here-we-go-again/
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December 23 2009, 9:57pm | Comments »
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I posted to nicolysis.net
You know how this feels.
http://www.nicolysis.net/2009/10/you-know-how-this-feels/
I really hate writing. I didn’t always, but for the past few years I’ve noticed through my writing how self-absorbed, narcissistic, and insecure I am. It really makes me hate myself. But really, I think everyone is this way, but I really hate noticing it. For example, it’s really difficult for me not to talk about myself. It just proves how personally I take everything – and I mean everything. It can’t be healthy. I’m a terrible writer, but there was a time when I thought I was the best thing ever. I’m really grateful for high school: if there’s anything I learned from English it’s how pretentious I am. The reality is, I don’t know how to organize my thoughts and have it make sense to anyone but myself. Again, this is just a reflection of how self-serving I am. I tend to give up really quickly, or want to start over all the time. It has a lot to do with why I never update anymore. Another part is because I know that no one is going to want to read the boring shit that never really happens. Everything I have to say whenever I feel like writing is usually self-loathing (no one wants to read that), trivial enough to post in 140 characters or less (so I do exactly that), or more effort to write about than it’s really worth (I give up half-way). Anyone who knows me knows how terribly lazy I am, and I have such a difficult time getting across what I want to say. There’s really no sequence. It’s little more than a rant, and I want to do more than that, but rarely do. That said, I’m not going to finish this post. I had more to say, but I never finish what I mean to say. I really, really hate writing. Please don’t respond. I always get over it. —————- Now playing: The Strokes – 12:51 via FoxyTunes
October 18 2009, 3:50pm | Comments »
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